


Undertone

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [208]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10618980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Hux is in a bad mood, and it upsets Kylo.





	

Kylo flicks through the little stream of ridiculous holos that are popular today, snorting at a few, wrinkling his nose at others. He’s just relaxing after a long day, waiting (semi-)patiently for Hux to get home. The rumble in his belly is like a tiny, snoring animal, though it will grow before long. 

He wriggles his toes in his socks, wondering if he can be bothered leaning down to pull them off, or put them back on properly. One is bunched over his big toe, and it looks odd, and now he’s aware of it, it _feels_ odd, too. He’s about to attempt to use the Force to fix his minor wardrobe malfunction when the door opens.

Kylo drops his tablet, his face turning into a smile, before it freezes, half way up. 

Hux is furious, his face a cloud of anger, trailing electric rage in his wake. His feet stomp, heel-first, and his body crosses the floor in record time. His shoulders are arched, his nostrils flared, and he looks like he _hates_. **Hates**. He looks like he wants to cause _harm_ , and Kylo feels his own adrenaline spike before he’s even processed it logically. It just _feels_ like danger, and _feels_ like he’s about to explode. 

It feels like the air has cooled, the hairs on his arms pricked, and his heart is racing so fast he can’t think through the sound. Hux is quietly seething through whatever he’s angry with (not me, not me, not me), when his head turns, and he notices how Kylo’s reacting.

He’s trying not to cower, but it’s happened before he could stop it. He can’t talk, because his tongue isn’t working, and he can’t work out how words even _work_.

“Ky?”  


“Mmmmuh…”  


Fuck. He can’t _talk_. His eyes go wide, and he **hates** himself. He’s gulping down air, and then he manages to meet his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Hux’s ire is gone, to be replaced by concern.   


It’s too late to make him _not_ feel, the reaction, once fired, doesn’t turn off. Even if it was a mistake, he can’t control how his emotions flare up, and he’s left with the high alarm and nothing to be alarmed _by_ , feeling completely ridiculous and even more distressed.

“Ky… I’m sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it, can I at least hold you?”  


Kylo’s eyes rove over him, looking for threats, looking for danger. He needs to know there is none (even if he’s _certain_ Hux wouldn’t hurt him), before he nods. 

It’s stupid. He’s stupid. 

Hux holds him anyway, sitting beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, the other stroking his thigh. The terrible blood-copper taste is still in his mouth, and he just - why is he like this? Why does he always take it too far? Why can’t he just be _normal_ like everyone else is?

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, into Hux’s neck. “I’m sorry I’m like this.”  


“It’s not your fault.”  


“I’m _still_ sorry,” Kylo insists.  


“I know. I know you’re sorry. You don’t need to be, but you are. I love you, and I don’t care if you have times you need things. I love _you_. All of you.”  


That helps, and Kylo butts at him until they fall back on the couch together, wrapping up in one blur of arms and legs. He still feels too-bare, too-sensitive, like he’s been flayed raw and spread out for the carrion-birds… but it’s easing, little by little.

“Do you want to talk about it?”  


“I… don’t even know if I understand it.”  


“Was it when I came in? Or did you feel bad before?”  


It was, but that makes it sound like he doesn’t trust him, and so he bites his tongue, hard. 

“…I was in a bad mood,” Hux muses. “Maybe you picked up on that, and it made you feel bad, too?”  


“I… I thought you…” It’s stupid. “I thought you might hurt me.”  


Hux’s arms tighten harder. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I promise, I would never hurt you intentionally. Never. And if I ever did it accidentally, you must know I would hate myself, and vow to never do the same thing again.”

“I _know_ that, but… it’s kind of… it’s kind of like I can’t control it. I _know_ you love me. I _know_ you won’t hurt me. But I - still think about it? Hux… am I _insane_?”  


“No. No, you’re not. Brains sometimes think things that are not real. It’s… just a trick of your mind.”  


“But you love me. And I know it.”  


“And you do know it, which is why you let me hold you. But… something made you feel like this, and I suspect we both know what.”  


Kylo does. He feels sicker again, and huddles into a smaller ball. 

“I’ll try to park my anger outside the door,” Hux says. “Or… I’ll tell you I’m in a bad mood before I come home, and that it isn’t to do with you, and I just need to shout a little about my idiot co-workers?”  


Kylo thinks about that. It could work. He’d be prepared for the mood, and already know he was safe. It might still be tense, but it might make handling it easier. Plus, Hux _does_ still need to vent, from time to time. “We can definitely try it.”

“Now… how can I help you feel better? Would you like icecream and a holo?”  


He smiles, sheepishly. It’s a silly, babyish way to self-comfort, but when Hux gets him the bowl and the sprinkles and cuddles with him while they eat… he feels happy. “Please. And then you can tell me about your day?”

“Only if you don’t think it will upset you?”  


“…I think knowing it wasn’t me that made you mad would help,” he admits.   


“Then I’ll tell you all about the idiots in the long-range sensors. You pick the holo, I’ll get our bowls.”  


Kylo feels a lot better, suddenly. Maybe it’s the set point of origin for Hux’s mood, and understanding where his own came from. It’s hard to look deeper into his worst feelings, but when he can find a cause, it means he can be better placed to anticipate or avoid. And that… that’s worth the effort.


End file.
